


Trust

by MuscleMemory



Series: You Call And I Respond, The Sparrow And The Song [13]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-12 17:53:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11167014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuscleMemory/pseuds/MuscleMemory
Summary: He could stay like this, forget there's a world outside of them, just feel without the fear of repercussions, of being too much, of being not enough.





	Trust

**Author's Note:**

> As a thank you to my wonderful Parabeta AlyxHavok <3

He feels Alec's comforting weight on top of him, his mouth open against his skin, cool saliva and short, hot breaths against his neck, their bodies damp and hot, pasted together.

Alec's head moves, his mouth running upwards Magnus' throat and chin and takes over his mouth; lips, teeth, and tongue stealing his breath when he barely regained it.

Alec slowly slides off him, a leg and arm remaining over Magnus, and his fingers find Alec's head, gliding through wet strands of hair.

He feels sated and peaceful in a way he can't remember, maybe never truly has before. He closes his eyes, his chest moving with Alec's soft sounds of breathing, his long fingers splayed over Magnus' abs, sending tiny, blissful sparks through him.

He could stay like this, forget there's a world outside of them, just  _ feel  _ without the fear of repercussions, of being too much, of being not enough.

“Do you trust me?”

His eyes snap open as if thunder crashed in his ears instead of Alec's softly spoken words, his voice hiding a sense of insecurity.

“Yes, I do.” 

He doesn't need to think about it, but his mind is trying to unfurl the mystery behind his love's question.

Alec's quiet again, Magnus barely daring to breathe.

He knows there's more to it, more the other man is trying to express.

“What is it, Alexander?” 

He finally asks quietly, his fingers gently circling Alec's shoulder to squash is inner unease.

“I think you trust me... generally... but not with specific matters. Not with what's inside the deepest parts of you. But I thought about it, and I don't think I would either, if I were centuries old and had gone through so much, all that pain you have... I wouldn't trust, not someone like me... like... I'm just...” 

Magnus is holding his breath, hearing Alec swallow. 

“It's... temporary.”

Magnus' heart corrodes as his chest constricts with a sudden surge of anguish. Every part of him stiffens, his hands still, his fingers trembling indiscernibly.

The comforting quiet changes into oppressiveness, the air thick between them, laden with crushing grief. Magnus' lips are sewn shut, unable to answer, unable to even find words.

“Do you want tea?”

Alec's voice pervades the empty noise in his head and he watches him get up and grab for his clothes, not even his lover's naked frame serving as enough distraction to drive him back to his senses.

He sits up slowly, stares at the empty bed next to him, for a moment unsure whether he just had a terrible dream.

He sits there for minutes, staring, a million thoughts but none grasping whirring through his mind, leaving him in a mist-like haze.

The smell of freshly brewed tea, his favorite, pushes his body to move, and he leaves the bed, pulls on his satin robe and joins Alec in the living-room where he's sat on the couch, wearing his boxers and a T-shirt, looking down at the mug he always uses when he's here. 

The place he calls home.

Magnus knows, he heard him say it several times now. Mostly when the Shadowhunter didn't know he was listening, the last time after their most recent date, spoken in the simplest, sweetest words. 'I'm ready to go home, Magnus.'

Magnus can recall the exact way Alec's hazel eyes sparkled and shone in the light of the street lamp. He could draw the small, lopsided smile he gave him that made him so alluring, so lovely.

He never wants to just have these memories, drawings, fragments of dreams. He wants to have him, flesh, blood, and bones. Every smile, every piece of him, always.

Alec looks at him, smiling tenderly.

Something inside Magnus rips.

He sits down next to him, takes the offered mug and sips from it, the hot liquid burning his mouth and throat without tasting of anything. Everything feels muted, overlaid with a sheen of hollow dismay.

They drink in silence, then Magnus watches his empty mug, sets it on the table and feels goosebumps racing along his spine as his eyes involuntarily connect with Alec's. And the sheen gets suddenly lifted.

'Just me... it's... temporary.'

Magnus feels overwhelmed with words stumbling into his mind all at once, his fingers twitching with unbound energy, the sheer urge to touch Alec staggering.

This beautiful, brave, kind, suffering man. Thinking he's just that, temporary... not worth the struggle, the sacrifice. Ready to give his all, not demanding as much in return. And Magnus could take it, and hold onto his secrets, his deepest, darkest thoughts and memories. And they would be fine. They would make it work.

“Come here.”

Alec's brow furrows in confusion and Magnus reaches for him, his arm snaking around Alec's back, pulling his head against his chest, embracing him tightly.

He takes a deep, low breath. They would be fine, but it's not enough for him, not anymore. He gave up finding someone to be himself with. Not just the parts suitable for showing, but every complex, layered piece of him. He didn't think he'd ever find someone who even wanted to know him wholly.

So he locked those shards away, incurable, touching on them seldom, in times of mournful hopelessness, opening his wounds to let them cut him just a little deeper, welcoming this familiar kind of pain, wallowing in it. Just for a while.

If there is one person since the history of time until eternity who deserves to be trusted entirely, he can't think of anyone else ever, it's Alexander.

Talking feels like stabbing himself open at first, with every word his protective shell, once like an unbreakable rock, cracking a little further.

In the end he finds himself cradled safe and loved in Alec's arms, soft lips kissing away his tears, the gentlest words of reassurance whispered in his ears, sure of one thing. If it's the last thing he does, he'll find a way to keep Alec forever.


End file.
